Friday, 31 March 2017

why the CHANGE

Why the CHANGE.

I spread the hash evenly over the OCB as VP was browsing through YouTube for Music.
According to our dealers this was the best stuff they had got since a long time. They had got it from the one of the hill stations of South India which has the most fertile land for plantations.
I sprinkled more stuff than usual onto the brown OCB, and it was going to be long joint.
I was a pro now and rolled it into a perfect banana shaped joint.
I added more hash and filled it to the brim.
It was ready to get lighted up.
‘Ok bro pass the lighter”
VP threw one of the lighters.
And finally the first drag. My mind was finally clear now, it felt light and I didn’t care about anything for the moment.
Took another deep drag and passed it to VP.
The music played on, it was the ganja song by Bob Marley. It was our all-time favorite.
The song just took us to another level, every time.
I stretched out my legs to rest it on the bed.
It had been a year since I got into the dope. I still didn’t understand how I from a first bencher, class topper had converted to a last bencher, carefree, pro level joint roller who didn’t give a damn about the exams and failed his third year.
It was a crazy transition, not uncommon but odd timing.
The first time I drank was last year when we had gone for a sports tournament. Our boy’s hall was filled with bottles and cigarettes. It was tempting, so I tried it out.
After that there was no stopping. I drank weekends in the beginning, then progressed to thrice and now it depends on the situation.
VP stretched the joint to me.
The only problem my parents had was really me failing in my exams.
They kind of knew that I was drinking right when I started. Yes, they had objected it but I never listened. So they were just scared of my future.
This change even though bad, I feel that it made me more fearless. And that is one of the reason I dint stop even though I intend one stopping in a few years.
In general, I knew all of this could destroy me if I didn’t control myself but then it can also be the source of my inspiration in many ways. It helped me get a different perspective of life.
I understood why people drink in the first place, why people smoke up. I understood the high. I got high. I knew the feeling.
It wasn’t just something people got addicted because of peer pressure, the high actually changed the person. He lived a different life during that time. It was an escape from reality for some but for me it has always been about perspective.
It made me a broad minded person. I cared less, became emotionally less attached to temporary people.
It made me a better person overall.
The song came to an end.
“It is good stuff bro” VP said as he browsed for the next song.
“Yeah I know” I said taking one more drag.

Maybe I reduce the frequency, but I knew deep down that I would never quit.

That day

That day.


“It was my case presentation that day and it was kind of a big deal back then especially in my unit.
We were thirteen in our unit. Out of which 10 were the in the top 15 of our class, me, damo and Sharq were in the bottom ten.
So most of the posting days, we three mostly were isolated from the rest. They took regular cases, did their assignments and did regular studies.
We on the other side of the ward used to pass time on our phones, talk about how god the weed was last night and went for regular smoke breaks in between.
Even during the case discussions, we used to be at the back just trying to get through the class. The others did all the answering, and I was the one who got screwed up the most for not answering.
It was one month of pediatrics posting and every day one of us had to present a case to the professor, the history, the clinical findings and the treatment. Basically we had to know everything about the particular case.
And it was my turn today, I had tried skipping my chance, I had bunked my turn the previous couple weeks but my unit mates finally forced me to take the case today.
I had to take the case over the weekend and I was in no mood to take, so I just copied the case sheet for the case and smoke up the rest of the day. So I was going to recite the case hoped to get away with it.
But the only problem was that that day, the proff who was taking class was crazy strict and eccentric. It depended on his mood.
The situation was made worse by my nerd unit mates, all they cared was studies, they didn’t anything else. They didn’t drink, do drugs or anything big.
 They were boring and just followed what the society told them to do. I knew they wouldn’t do anything big in life, maybe future cardiothoracic surgeons and physicians but doctors who were not going to influence the society in any way.
I hated the way they treated us, but I knew I had to just get on. It made me very tolerant.
They had been waiting for my case presentation, so that I screw up and they could insult me and laugh at me, make me feel bad about myself.
They had done it previously many times but that day was going to be the worst.
Prof came late and he looked pissed off.
I started my presentation, the first part of the history went smoothly but he stopped me soon to asses my knowledge.
What negative history did you ask?
Nothing.
He asked me to continue even though he was very dissatisfied.
During my clinical findings he asked me the normal range of the anthropometric findings.
I didn’t know.
He fired several questions after that, none of which I was able to answer.
I knew I screwed it up badly.
He stood up suddenly, snatched the paper from my hand and threw it away to the floor.
You are a disgrace to the college, you deserve to fail all your life. Stop wasting my time he said as he walked away from the class. The whole ward was looking at me as if I had committed some crime. The patients, the residents, even my juniors.
If it was only that much I was ok. Just a temporary thing.
But then my unit mates had to insult me again, except damo and Shaqs. They all pounced on me as if they never did anything wrong. Maybe they didn’t do any mistakes, because they never tried anything new.
After that they bitched about me for the next month. They treated me as if I was not a med student at all. They ignored me, and it was bad.”
I looked at the jam packed classroom as I concluded my story.
I was back to college as alumni they had invited me to give a speech to the students.
“You know it’s been twenty years since that day”
I looked at my prof who screwed me that day, and some of my old unit mates who were now doctors in the college. I was right, they had become surgeons but today I was on stage speaking and they were listening to me. I mattered, they didn’t.
“Today, I have my own healthcare system which is one of countries top and doing very well. Today those guys don’t matter at all and me, who they thought would end up as a failure.”
I smiled away from the mike.
“Well the rest is history”
“All I can say for you guys are, try new things, think big and take action. You will embarrass yourself, fail numerous times but keep striving for change. Don’t be the same, don’t be static in life. You don’t want to be in the same position ten years from now. Keep changing, for the good or bad but change”





Thursday, 23 March 2017

The basement

The basement.

The wastage had to disposed of at near the last room of the corner.
The basement was dark and a streak of light passing through the Brocken door falling on the corridor.
So I quickly walked along and threw the bag of syringes and blood stained bandages to the bin which would be later taken away by the cleaning guys.
As I was walking past the rooms, the lights of one of the rooms switched on.
It got my attention, so I scanned through the room from around the door.
I hadn’t been here since a long time and I realized this used to be the old pharmaceutical drug storage place.
I tough I should switch off the light and proceeded inside the room.
As I looked for the switch, I could see the room was unkempt. A couple of drawers were slid out carrying some old medicines. Some bandages stuck to the floor.
I could smell formalin in the air.
As I was on the opposite side of the room, the light started to flicker.
I felt some presence in the room, there was someone in the room.
The door closed on my face as I was rushed. The door locked itself, the lights flickering violently now.
I started banging the door, trying to open it.
Suddenly a whisper spread across the room “shhhhhhhhhhhhh…….”
A cold chill ran down my spine.
I slowly turned.
Just below the light, I could see someone crouched on her knees sitting on top of the table.
It had long hair covering the forehead.
I couldn’t feel my legs and desperately fidgeted with the lock of the door. Suddenly I felt the notch and unlocked the door.
I ran out of the room to the door to the elevator. And the elevator finally came.
I opened the gate and rushed in.
Once inside, even though I could feel my chest pumping, I was protected by the elevator.
 I just stood inside, waiting for it to open and rush to my ward filled with people.
After a few seconds I realized that the lift wasn’t moving.
That is when the door opened.
I forgot to press the floor.
I was still in the basement. It was standing right before me with a long syringe in its hand, blood dripping from it. I could see its face clearly for the first time.
It had a long fresh scar right across its face, yellow crocked teeth as it smiled at me.
I kept pressing the G floor frantically.
But before the door closed, it leaped inside the lift.

I was never going back up again.

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