Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Inside his mind

Inside his mind.

He had rented out a small room in a small hotel. He moved to a new town.
This was his last attempt to get back to normal, to get away from the voices in his head, to get away from his previous mistakes. But it wasn’t working.
The voices were getting stronger, his hallucinations were controlling him, his fear had taken over his personality.
He hadn’t slept for more than a couple of hours since two days and he was now sitting with his legs folded to his chest and his head down.
The voices were giving him a headache.
He looked up and saw his wife standing. She wore the white night dress which was her favorite. Her face was anemic and there was white powder around her nose.
White frothy bubbles oozing out from the corners of her mouth. She rubbed her nose and cleaned up the white powder.
His wife, she died of drug overdose. And he knew he was to blame for that. He knew that she loved him more than anything in this world, but yet he wasn’t giving her enough time. He was away from home for weeks and came home for a few nights. Their last few months were the worst; they didn’t talk to each other. He came home for a night and went back the next day. He even had an affair with an employee in his office. He was pretty sure that his wife knew about it but she never said anything. She was already too addicted to coke. His ignorance had caused her to get into bad company and she started snorting and injecting it.
He tried a few times but then he didn’t care a lot, she didn’t care. Their life, it wasn’t meaningful anymore. It was their fault, it was his fault, he let it all happen.
One night, he came home and found her on the floor with the syringe still dangling from her cubital vein. Blood and froth coming from her mouth. Their two little kids playing alongside their mother’s body. It was a sad sight.
 And that was the moment which took his life, his goals, his ambitions away from him. It was all worthless. His company, the money, the success, it was just nothing for him.
His whole life flashed in front of his eyes.
Now the court had taken his kids away from him. His affair was testified by his employee and he was declared not responsible enough to take care of them.
Maybe, just maybe if he had his kids, he could forget all of this. Maybe he could change, maybe he could lead a meaningful life again, maybe he could help others in need, he could tell people about his life and make them understand about life, look at life at a much deeper way. Maybe he could change the world. But that wasn’t going to happen.
After the court hearing, his company stocks crashed. His affair, his wife’s death, the addiction, his kids taken brought his company his logistics company crashing down to the ground. In just ten days, most of his employees had left. Twenty years of hard work and it ended like this.
He rubbed his face violently with his hands, banged his head with his fists many times. The voices weren’t going; it was continuous getting louder every second. It was eating his brain. He jumped off his bed and started running all around his room banging the walls randomly. He hit the walls, fell to the floor, got up and continued. He kept running around the room hurting himself, his forehead was bleeding, he left blood stains on the wall as he banged against it.

Finally, his pain ended. His eyes were closed, he didn’t know it, he ran towards the open window across his room.

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